ILLSUE4U

"I am one lucky guy," he thought to himself. He leaned up to check his hair in the rear view mirror, then winked at himself. "Not only am I lucky, but I'm hot too." He cranked the music, making it so loud that he could feel his windows shake. He chuckled as Carly Simon sang, "your so vain." "Yes I am baby, and I bet you'd want to do more then go to the racetrack with me." He shifted to a stop as the light turned red, and waited for the adoring glances. The smoke from his fat cigar made curlicues, as it tried to escape from the small gap at the top of the window, leaving him enveloped in a cloud.

Ever since buying his hot new 'lil red corvette,' he knew he had finally made it. He could tell by the longing gazes of nearby drivers, the lustful looks when he got out of the car. It was a different aura then back in the days when he drove a BMW. Then, nobody looked twice. But now, now he was a showstopper. People, more importantly, women, thought he was something special. And clients, well, his license plate, ILSUE4U said it all.

He loved this car. It was his baby, his chick magnet, and his advertising campaign. He had spent major bucks to get a phone number to match his license plate. It was pure genius on his part. So now, even when he was stuck in traffic, he was getting adoring looks and marketing his law practice. He was the king of easy settlements. If you had a minor injury, he would make sure you got a couple of quick bucks. If a case actually involved work, well, then he'd farm it out, making sure to retain a lien for 50% of any legal fee. He loved when that happened, all he had to do was sign up the client, and then a check would arrive on his desk. "Life sure is sweet," he thought.

He pulled into the office parking lot, it was immediately clear that parking his baby was going to be challenging. He reached into the glove compartment and pulled out his ace in the hole, his handicapped hanging parking space maker. Since there were no spaces available, and even the handicapped spaces were taken, he pulled right in front of the door and parked so that there was but a narrow passageway for anyone entering the building. He chuckled when he realized wheelchairs couldn't get by. Thank god for Dr. Feelgood, he thought, and for my bum knees. No one ever tickets handicapped cars.

He lumbered out of his sweetheart, knees aching as he maneuvered his bonus sized girth out the door. He could feel his knees creaking, and his tongue moving to the side of his mouth with the exertion it took to straighten up. Then, moving as gracefully as a 450 pound man can, he closed the door to his car. As he did, he noticed the leggy blonde eying him, and gave her a full smile. She turned her head quickly. He knew she wanted him, but was playing coy. God, he loved his life, and his car.


Another in the License Plate Series of blogs, short fiction based on license plates I've seen in my travels